It's a drizzly damp day, which for me always means tired and achy and gloomy. Gray days are beautiful for drinking tea under a fluffy blanket, but they are a miserable context for pretty much any other activity.
It is good that today is Sunday. My soul needs rest, and my aching limbs are enforcing it.
Still, there are things that need doing, and although rest is one of them, procrastinating is not. I find myself sitting on the couch, hoping that maybe in five minutes, my knees won't ache so bad. This strategy never works.
Ironically, I really could be feeling better in five minutes if I just got up and did the things. Took the supplements, drank the water, changed into something a little bit warmer. Went outside barefoot and listened to the trees breathing.
But it's never going to happen unless I will myself to do it while it's still hard.
Willpower is a funny thing. It is very good for moving the body around, but it has very little direct power over the soul... except by way of the body.
So I am smelling nutmeg, frankincense, eucalyptus, and ylang-ylang, drumming up the courage to do what I must, delegate what I can, and let go of the rest. Choosing a fragrance to smell is such a very small choice, and yet interesting enough to distract me from my elbows, knees, feet, and thumbs.
If I deploy that tiny spark of will correctly, I can create a physical context that makes the next act of will a little easier. With the smell of courage in my nostrils, I can think through what I really need, and ask Andrew for some water and my supplements. The water and the supplements don't fix everything, but they make it easier to put on a sweater and go sit outside on the grass while the kids play freeze tag.
The clouds press down like a thick blanket, and Andrew just went inside to make me another cup of tea. When I finish writing this, we will probably read a bit of Virgil together. It is a gloomy day, but always when I am brave enough to press into the gloom, I find that it is good.
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